Things I Wish I Knew Going Into My Freshman Year Starting On Varsity...
Things I Wish I Knew Going Into My Freshman Year Starting On Varsity…
1. Do NOT feel guilty
I think when it comes to female athletes, things are just different. There are some emotions that play a certain role in the way that we operate. It didn’t help that I was still considered the “new kid” in the area at the time as well.
Before the season began I knew I would be playing JV/Varsity. When try-outs and things were announced, I had gone to sign up for freshman basketball and the head coach at my high school stopped me with a smirk. Told me that there was “no way” I would be playing on the freshman team and basically just told me when practices would begin. I was more than intimidated by this man, to say the least. I didn’t know how this all worked. Me? A freshman playing with seniors and juniors all of a sudden. I didn’t even know these girls. I wouldn’t be with the girls that I already knew, I felt alone immediately. I had to start all over once again.
I didn’t even realize how much of a good thing this was for me at the time. My coaches knew and my parents knew, but my mind was slightly elsewhere at the beginning of the season. I felt like I was leaving my peers behind. That’s where the first bit of guilt came through.
Then when practices started and I was mixed in with JV and Varsity I started to get the hang of things. I became close with some people. And then games came and it became my “happy place.” I started on JV and had a BLAST. It was just fun. I think I was smiling the entire time. Lol but that time didn’t last long. I would start jv, play a good amount, make sure we got the win, and then I would play some minutes here and there. But within a month and half that all completely shifted. I no longer played JV at all and then I was starting Varsity, which created a bit more guilt. From leaving my new friends behind at the JV level, to “taking” someone’s spot on Varsity.
But those weren’t my burdens to carry. Took me a season to understand that I rightfully deserved what was going on.
2. Don’t dim your light so that others shine
The feeling of “guilt” certainly plays a huge role in this. Trying to figure out where you fit in, and trying not to stand out too much because you want to be accepted. High school was hard, being a freshman was the hardest. Being a freshman that is constantly around upper classmen had its challenges. Luckily, I had some pretty awesome teammates to help me through it. Although, there were times where I felt tension and jealousy from some. That was just part of the process. I had to learn not to hold myself back, in order for someone else to feel good about themselves.
Those that understood didn’t hold it against me. And I even had some girls come to me later and apologize for mistreating me due to their own jealousy issues. I could not help that I was just better than them and I approached the game differently.
3. Control the things you can control
I didn’t speak about this too much but I had reasons to hate coming to school. There were a couple of teachers that made life hard for me. And I’ll never truly know why, but one in particular takes the cake. His name was Rivard. Even now I don’t respect him enough to give him the “Mr.” in front of his name. I had him for a math class, Pre-Algebra I believe. And he really set the tone for my relationship with a few other teachers. He did everything he could to make me feel small. He approached me as if I thought I was “all that and a bag of chips” because I played on varsity as a freshman. Mind you, I never brought anything up. I was never the one to start any of these interactions.
I remember instances of walking to my seat in the classroom and him pulling me aside to speak about the game and my stats, but I really just wanted to sit down. I was never disrespectful so I would let him talk of course. But it would be when I had questions about the material and needed help that he would show his truest colors towards me. He did everything he could to make me feel dumb and I think he even called me “dumb” in one way or another a time or two. Told me on several occasions to “figure it out” or was just very condescending.
And of course, where does a kid go when they feel like they can’t go to the teacher for help? Hard to say where they go, but what usually happens is that they stop asking questions. And that was the beginning of my grades not being the best that they could have been.
And I definitely take blame in most of that. It was up to me to take care of my grades regardless. But when you are that age, you don’t go about things as practical as you should. I did whatever I could to just get by and hopefully get away from his class next semester. I didn’t even want to be in the same hallway for any of my classes. And then when it came to other classes, if I felt like I needed help for any subject, I got extreme anxiety and just would not ask questions. But I wish I would have controlled how I went about things a bit better. I wish I didn’t let that bad apple of a teacher throw me off. I let it change my entire approach to schoolwork unfortunately. And no, I didn’t fail a bunch of classes or rock with D’s, but I was not the best student I could have been because I became afraid to ask for help when I may have needed it in a few subjects.
Looking back, I wish I would have spoken up about things. I wish I would have gone about things differently, but hindsight is 20/20. Freshman year was such an interesting time of discovery. It set the tone for so much of my future. Because of the things I went through, I now do my best to share my experiences and the struggles that lead to some of the successes.